Thursday, July 29, 2010

I wanna be a Gorean!

Whereupon Bear, our sympathetic and empathetic host gently takes a seeker of truth under his wing... er, paw, and sets them on the path to righteousness or something.

So, you wanna be a Gorean, do you? Wonderful! Sit right there and let me slop a bit of my paga into your Flinstone-jelly glass. There! Whoa! Not so fast! You wanna live to see your second day as a Gorean, eh? No that's fine, go ahead and cough. It helps expunge the remains of your esophageal lining. Just spit it there in that bucket.

There you go.Feel better now?

Okay, Ol' Bear is here to help you on your quest to live Gorean in this society.Now, I 'aint saying that the way will be easy, that it will be fun, or even at the end you will be successful. To be honest, far more fail to be able to live Gorean than those who succeed in doing so.

But I like you, so I'm going to help you (just remember to hit the bucket, I ain't mopping the floor again). And because I like you, I am going to give you the benefit of my experience and relate to you a bit of wisdom to help you along on your path to be Gorean.

Ready? I am speaking, of course, of:

Bear's Gorean Aphorism #1: Shut the fuck up.

What? You don't believe me?

Well, shut the fuck up and let me explain.

Shut the fuck up means: Don't go jumping with both feet into Gorean social interactions until you've done your homework. Remember that old saying your mother told you on your way to your first job interview?

"You only get one chance to make a first impression!"

That's right. Mama knew what she was talking about. Don't elbow your way into a conversation between Goreans, be it online or off, and spout your opinions based on your 3 and one-half years of wearing purple-leather boots and being a "dom" at some run-down sex club. That is like trying to explain slave-ball (see: Bear's Gorean Aphorism #782) to a subbie; they know the words you're using, but it just makes no sense to them.

Now where was I? Oh! Yeah. Shut the fuck up.

It means shut the fuck up and listen: to the interaction between Goreans. To the manner in which their property behaves. To the interplay between a Gorean man and his Free Companion. To the verbal intercourse between a Gorean and another Gorean's property as she serves him.

It means shut the fuck up, turn on the lamp and get your reading glasses out. It means keep your lips zipped and your fingers away from the keyboard while you attempt to conquer the first hurdle on your path to living Gorean; reading the books.

Yes. All of them.

More than once.

Goreans are pretty good at spotting fakes. We've had a lot of practice, online and off (and if you think the illusion of anonymity online will shield you from consequences of your actions, think again). Don't fake it. Don't even try. If you must speak, if your parents were so inept at potty-training you that you never learned the meaning of patience and self-control, then it is better to come face-to-face (or virtual-face-to-virtual-face) with such men and women and briefly explain to them that you are interested in learning about things Gorean, that you are in the process of reading the books and would they mind if you listened in to their conversations and perhaps asked a few short, precise, non-aggravating questions on very rare occasions?

It's a long road you are setting yourself on. You might not reach your destination for years, if ever. But it can be done. Men and women before you have done so.

Read the books. Think. Read the books. Constantly look at your own actions and motivations. Read the books. Be self-critical, even to a fault. Read the books.

And don't forget to read the books.

So now you've got a lot of work to do.

Shut the fuck up and get out of here, already!

When I'm Sixty-Four.

Whereupon Bear brings up a very discomforting topic, and really doesn't give a shit.

"When I get older, losing my hair... wait! DAMN IT!!


Ever stop to think about the future? Not tomorrow, or the next day, or even next month. I mean the future. Jump ahead however many years it takes and think about what things will be like in your household when age is a factor in your health and physical abilities.

If anything, Goreans are introspective. We have to be. We have to constantly measure ourselves against a bar set by a philosophy whose tenets are sometimes not viewed favorably by those with whom we share this society. We constantly strive to keep our actions within the Gorean paradigm as it can be manifest within this society. We watch ourselves. We watch one another. With each action, we learn and we grow.

Consider your happy home. You have a Free Companion, 1.2 slaves and a white vinyl-that-resembles-wood fence. You strive to live Gorean in your life, which goes without saying. Everyone is happy. Everything is just peachy.

Then you get old.

Oh, it comes on slowly. At first, you wonder why you are getting up so many times at night to use the little warrior's room. "Why, I'll just stop drinking so many fluids before bed!" you think to yourself. Then, one day, you realize that not only must you visit the little warrior's room more often, but it takes longer, sometimes much, much longer to proceed to the "shake and tuck" portion of the program.

You have a serious talk with your little warrior and set things right.

Right up until the time he refuses the order to stand at attention.

"This cannot be!", you think to yourself. "Not me, I am too young for this to happen!", you plead to yourself.

"I've changed my mind, get up and fetch me a sandwich, slave" you state out-loud.

Face it. It's going to happen one day, tough guy. To you, to me, hell even Hefner has to take chemicals these days. Brings a tear to the eye.

So what's the problem (aside from the obvious)?

Leaving aside for the moment those with free will, how do you think the changes you go through will affect the property you own? What was once a mad sweaty dash to the finish line when you were 40 and she was 20 is now a slow leisurely Sunday drive, with frequent stops for fuel and lubricant when you are 60 and she is 40.

So, fellow-Gorean. Let's do some do some introspection, shall we?

If, even at the beginning, the main manner in which you relate to your property is when she is on her back (or bent over the couch, or upside-down on the backyard stairwell, or that one time when... aw, nevermind), then you are probably missing out on most all of the interest a Gorean slave can bring. Which brings us to...

Bear's Gorean Aphorism #3: "You can only fuck 'em so long; eventually you're going to have to talk to them".

Sex is good, sex can be great, but at some point it is a lousy way to tie two people together.

So what to do?

Hell, don't ask me, you're the one whose soldier is AWOL!

Think about it.

Think about this: If your ownership of a Gorean slave is predicated mainly on sex, there will come a point in both your lives when that issue is not as important as it was years ago.

And, at that time my friend, you'd best be able to talk to her.

Monday, July 26, 2010

I thought to begin this, a most mature and sincere discourse on things Gorean, appropriately:

You're welcome.

Come back soon!