(Introduction: 2011. This post has a slightly different history than others here. It was something that I wrote on the old Silk&Steel Gorean discussion board in a thread about slave failure. When I finally shut down the board, it was lost (the story behind all that, and my separation from the S&S "community" is something I will address in a post here before I finish and lock this blog, I promise). Recently on another discussion board the topic of slave failure was again brought up with questions directed specifically at me. I linked to my previous post here on the subject and, while that post details my thoughts, it is a short form of them. One poster, aggrieved for his own reasons, claimed that I advocated for a complete and perpetual community-wide rejection of a slave after her failure. He claimed that my position was that once a slave fails, she can never again be a slave. This was done, of course, to make the concept seem too radical to be feasible thereby allowing some people to try to avoid or escape entirely the responsibility for their own choices. As I've said, he has his own reasons to try to reject the idea of slave failure. Luckily for me and my sore typing hands (and to the great detriment of his argument) he re-posted the writings of mine which you can read below.
I believe the kids call this "self-pwnage". ;0)
In any case, I am indebted to him for doing so, for this essay lays out in some detail my own thoughts on slave failure, and serves as a rebuttal to those who - perhaps in trying to deny the failure that they themselves or their property has chosen - would mis-characterize my stance on the matter.
So here, for your perusal, are more thoughts by Bear on slave failure.
Enjoy! )
There is never a good reason for a girl to fail. And there will NEVER be an excuse for a girl to do so.
Most times, when faced with the choice of leaving or facing harm at the hands of an out-of-control dom, she should leave without compunction for the truth is that she has already failed, her value has already been reduced and Gorean men will take that into account in the future in any dealings with her.
To reiterate: There is never a good reason for a slave to fail. The sad truth is most women out there who come into this lifestyle from online probably have failed, arm-in-arm with the vast number of posers, losers and idiots online pretending to be Gorean. It is rare to find one who has not, and when we do find them, those women we tend to keep around for a long time.
It is after that failure, when a girls value is judged, that her worth is determined. Men have many different yardsticks for that - as well they should. But we both know that in the end those who have failed and who continue to do so are seen more and more widely as valueless and often have to find refuge with weak men whose standards for ownership consist of little more than having something moist and wet between a girls legs.
Failure as we speak of it in this context is a very serious thing. It severely and forever affects a girls value, of course, but it does not have to be the end of all value. That decision is made by men, and they alone can make that decision (indeed, there are times when we just watch, blink, shake our heads and shrug as some of these repeated failures get collared over and over as they work their way down the ladder from the strong to the weak). What the girls have to realize is that they never, ever can forget nor walk away from that failure, that they never, ever will reach the potential value as a gorean slave that they could have had they not chosen to fail, and the failing will, inevitibly, close off some avenues, chances and possibilities that would have been open to them had they not chose to fail.
To my mind, it would have to be a very special girl who failed, whom I would take as my slave when there are literally hundreds of potential gorean slaves out there who have not, who would beg for a moment of a Gorean mans time. Once failure is chosen, it is easier to fail the next time. And the next. We all know examples of such girls.
Simply, there are no degrees of failure. There is simply failure, and that is a black and white choice a girl makes. It is that failure, and how it affects a girls value in the eyes of men, where the only chance remains for a failed slave to redeem some kind of measure of what she could have once been, had she chosen not to fail. If a Gorean man takes a moment of time to notice a failed slave, she should consider herself one of the luckiest women alive and work hard to provide that man proof of whatever value might remain in her.
There is never a good reason to fail, girls. This is serious business, giving your life to another, not some kind of twisted high-school romance fantasy. Put yourself in a position to fail; beg the collar of that Conan wanna-be online, take that "protection collar", mouth the words of surrender but dont really mean it, run and bolt when things get tough and you will have already failed as a gorean slave. Your actions will have repercussions and you will bear the responsibilities of them forever. The choice is always yours, indeed, it is the only choice you retain once you surrender - so you damn well better be sure you know whom you surrender to, no matter how long it takes.
I would point out that this is not "my position" on this so much as it seems to be the natural progression of the concept that we put forth as gorean slavery. It has to be this way, or what we profess to be gorean slavery in this society is in actuality something much, much less. Let me explain.
When a girl surrenders her life and becomes a Gorean slave, she does not do so "until I beg release" or "until I am no longer happy", or "until I feel it becomes too hard" or "until I am no longer challenged and fulfilled", or "until I " anything.
She does so forever, with one one choice remaining for her.
To fail.
If she does not surrender without conditions, then she has not surrendered, she has simply submitted. She has placed restrictions and conditions on her slavery, even if those restrictions are not given voice or agreed to, and that is simply not gorean slavery.
I have spoken out in public for years on the topic of making sure you know who that man you are handing your life over to is. I have warned and cautioned for years that there are repercussions for not taking the time to get to know the man one is supposedly giving ones life to - repercussions that will follow a girl for the rest of her life. I have spoken out for years that the gorean slavery we practice in this society is not a game, not a part-time thing to be tossed away when it no longer titillates, not something that is just a new way to play the junior high-school "I have a crush on you" games we all played when we were twelve and thirteen years old. I have told people for years that this is a dangerous, adult, alternative lifestyle and that it exacts a cost for living it - and for failing to do so.
--Bear of Ar, 12/9/00 3:58 pm
Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Are all kajira doormats?
(What follows is a reprint of a previous writing of mine that appeared in The Gorean Voice, which I co-created and served as editor for a few years or on my previous blog - The Bear Bitch Project. The webzine is long defunct, and the archives of the site are sadly incomplete, but it pleases me to present my thoughts then, to my audience here. As always, if you have a question or comment, use the e-mail link in my profile down there somewhere.)
Tal, all.
"All kajira are doormats."
Do you find this to be true?
A little story behind my question.
Last night in the S&S discussion channel, a man entered and made the above statement. In the subsequent short discussion (short, because he chose at that point to change his nick to what he was known by normally in Gorean channels - a rather infamous and pitiful individual, he once called himself "gorean", but now says that he is a "straight" BDSM 'leatherboy', who once on his web page has called a gay BDSM leatherboy his "master" - for his duplicity he earned a channel ban) he noted that all the kajira that he had met online and off were so. He noted he had never met a needier bunch of females (which he somehow equated, to them being "doormats"). All of this, of course, was meant in a derogatory fashion, as this fellow has made it clear that since he cannot fool anyone and pretend to be one online, he thinks that Gorean men and women do not exist.
Which got me to thinking.
First, obviously he has met few Gorean slaves, let alone kajira. With that, he obviously knows few Gorean men, or much about our philosophy (which, while obvious, accounts for much). The fact is that a Gorean slave is whatever her owner decides she is. I can understand how that can be very threatening to those men who, in some sad way, have a need for a domme/mommy figure to balance their lives, but then not every man can be Gorean.
But moreover, in thinking about this later, I came up with two thoughts.
First, the subs of vanilla BDSM and simple sexual fetishism (which this 'leatherboy' is a part of) would fit the descriptions of "doormats" a bit more snugly, I would think, than the typical Gorean slave.
For example, I have never seen a Gorean slave girl, online or off, used as a toilet, while I have seen subs so used in BDSM circles. I have never seen a Gorean slave girl used as an ashtray online or off, with the accompanying burns, as I have in BDSM circles. I have rarely seen a slave girl whipped for the simple "pleasure" of a Gorean man without an underlying motive of correction, while I have seen this kind of behaviour as a matter of course in every BDSM gathering I have ever attended. While it is true that the sub can call it off anytime she wishes by using her "safeword", it is that fact that makes them well fit the description of "doormat" (in that she has the ability to control the dom and stop his actions as she desires without repercussions) moreso than the women I know as Gorean slaves.
Secondy, it occurs to me in the years that I have lived and owned and trained women in the Gorean philosophy (going on 19 years now), that I have never seen a wounded girl, one who was a "doormat" succeed as a slave in any sense of the word. Subbie, yes, slave, no. There are examples all over online, of girls who sought "Gor" and Gorean men, thinking that such ownership entailed total control, thereby making their lives easier. These girls have crashed and burned in their pursuit of Gorean slavery, at times taking their (love) "Masters" with them. These men too, thought that they could own a girl, who in truth, did not own all of herself before she tried to surrender. These men have paid a price for it, and continue to do so.
The truth is that it takes a secure, strong, intelligent, creative, stable, honest, self-sacrificing adult woman to even *consider* the path to be a Gorean slave. If all a girl wants is to be used as a "doormat", then she will quickly fail as a slave - as Zeb says, the Vector of Pleasure is pointing in the wrong direction. ;0)
So why do some, who know little about slaves and Gorean slaves in particular, think of them as "doormats"?
I suspect it comes back to the same reason some in the bdsm community (although it is not limited to just that one) dislike us before they even ever meet a Gorean man or woman. That reason is a simple matter of fear.
If we are real, if we do what we say, if we live by the codes, traditions and philosophy we do, then these people have to look at themselves and what they do, and make a value judgement - and they do not like what they see. We threaten them by simply being what they claim to be: "Masters" if you will, owners of anothers life - without the safewords, timeouts, and switching that goes on as a matter of course in their hobby.
Are all kajira doormats?
A kajira is whatever her owner says she will be. But you will find most Gorean slave girls at the feet of men, rather than under them - in stark contrast to what many of those who in their fear of us speak ill of what we are, would say.
I wish you well, friends.
Bear-
Tal, all.
"All kajira are doormats."
Do you find this to be true?
A little story behind my question.
Last night in the S&S discussion channel, a man entered and made the above statement. In the subsequent short discussion (short, because he chose at that point to change his nick to what he was known by normally in Gorean channels - a rather infamous and pitiful individual, he once called himself "gorean", but now says that he is a "straight" BDSM 'leatherboy', who once on his web page has called a gay BDSM leatherboy his "master" - for his duplicity he earned a channel ban) he noted that all the kajira that he had met online and off were so. He noted he had never met a needier bunch of females (which he somehow equated, to them being "doormats"). All of this, of course, was meant in a derogatory fashion, as this fellow has made it clear that since he cannot fool anyone and pretend to be one online, he thinks that Gorean men and women do not exist.
Which got me to thinking.
First, obviously he has met few Gorean slaves, let alone kajira. With that, he obviously knows few Gorean men, or much about our philosophy (which, while obvious, accounts for much). The fact is that a Gorean slave is whatever her owner decides she is. I can understand how that can be very threatening to those men who, in some sad way, have a need for a domme/mommy figure to balance their lives, but then not every man can be Gorean.
But moreover, in thinking about this later, I came up with two thoughts.
First, the subs of vanilla BDSM and simple sexual fetishism (which this 'leatherboy' is a part of) would fit the descriptions of "doormats" a bit more snugly, I would think, than the typical Gorean slave.
For example, I have never seen a Gorean slave girl, online or off, used as a toilet, while I have seen subs so used in BDSM circles. I have never seen a Gorean slave girl used as an ashtray online or off, with the accompanying burns, as I have in BDSM circles. I have rarely seen a slave girl whipped for the simple "pleasure" of a Gorean man without an underlying motive of correction, while I have seen this kind of behaviour as a matter of course in every BDSM gathering I have ever attended. While it is true that the sub can call it off anytime she wishes by using her "safeword", it is that fact that makes them well fit the description of "doormat" (in that she has the ability to control the dom and stop his actions as she desires without repercussions) moreso than the women I know as Gorean slaves.
Secondy, it occurs to me in the years that I have lived and owned and trained women in the Gorean philosophy (going on 19 years now), that I have never seen a wounded girl, one who was a "doormat" succeed as a slave in any sense of the word. Subbie, yes, slave, no. There are examples all over online, of girls who sought "Gor" and Gorean men, thinking that such ownership entailed total control, thereby making their lives easier. These girls have crashed and burned in their pursuit of Gorean slavery, at times taking their (love) "Masters" with them. These men too, thought that they could own a girl, who in truth, did not own all of herself before she tried to surrender. These men have paid a price for it, and continue to do so.
The truth is that it takes a secure, strong, intelligent, creative, stable, honest, self-sacrificing adult woman to even *consider* the path to be a Gorean slave. If all a girl wants is to be used as a "doormat", then she will quickly fail as a slave - as Zeb says, the Vector of Pleasure is pointing in the wrong direction. ;0)
So why do some, who know little about slaves and Gorean slaves in particular, think of them as "doormats"?
I suspect it comes back to the same reason some in the bdsm community (although it is not limited to just that one) dislike us before they even ever meet a Gorean man or woman. That reason is a simple matter of fear.
If we are real, if we do what we say, if we live by the codes, traditions and philosophy we do, then these people have to look at themselves and what they do, and make a value judgement - and they do not like what they see. We threaten them by simply being what they claim to be: "Masters" if you will, owners of anothers life - without the safewords, timeouts, and switching that goes on as a matter of course in their hobby.
Are all kajira doormats?
A kajira is whatever her owner says she will be. But you will find most Gorean slave girls at the feet of men, rather than under them - in stark contrast to what many of those who in their fear of us speak ill of what we are, would say.
I wish you well, friends.
Bear-
Friday, March 11, 2011
The Master's Creed
(What follows is a reprint of a previous writing of mine that appeared in The Gorean Voice, which I co-created and served as editor for a few years or on my previous blog - The Bear Bitch Project. The webzine is long defunct, and the archives of the site are sadly incomplete, but it pleases me to present my thoughts then, to my audience here. As always, if you have a question or comment, use the e-mail link in my profile down there somewhere.)
Tal.
Everyone probably, at one time or another, has come across that old BDSM Dom love-poem called "The Masters Creed". In it, the doms express gratitude to the subs for the "gift" of their submission and for the time that the subs allow the men to interact with them.
Typical BDSM-inspired emasculated pablum.
Recently, however, I came across a *new* version of it, on no less than the web site of one of the *largest* email lists that has the word "gorean" in it (which, we will see, turns out to mean nothing in and of itself).
The changes, I have to assume, were made to put things in a what those who own the site and the list think is a *GOREAN* context, since they are on a "gorean" site and are there for someone new to this lifestyle to stumble over and read.
Remember this, and that email list, and places like it the next time you wonder where all these people online are getting such twisted and warped impressions of what living Gorean and owning the life of another in that context, is.
Amongst the first paragraph where the "Master" thanks the girl for allowing him to be a... well, a "master", there is this:
As a stern and demanding Master, He can cause His slave to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, He will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.
And then, this, from those who proclaim to speak to many about issues concerning living Gorean in this society:
In times of trouble, a Master will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals. He is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.
A slave surrenders to a Gorean man? Or rather, who really wears the collar? There is this:
He would never ask His slave to put him before her career, or family, just to satisfy His own pleasure.
Just who *IS* in charge in such Gorean/slave relationships? Just who is it who really calls the shots?
He must always show her that His guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from...
Ah! I get it! This is all about PLEASING THE "SLAVE"! Sheesh, and to think I had that wrong for all these years. ;0)
Ah! And how do we, as "gorean" men show appreciation and manifest our innate desire to please such women as those who choose to endow us with the gift of their "submission"? Here's an idea!
He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of him grows, so will they.
You better be ready, willing and able to come when she calls - or, or, or... well, or she will leave, and then HOW can you be a Gorean man then without a slave??
That is about as much as I can stomach, folks, sorry.
You are welcome to comment, if you wish. Call me old-fashioned, call me insensitive, call me out of touch with the "new gorean", but somewhere in the books I read, in the philosophy that I have lived by and in the traditions I have respected for over two decades, it seems to me that these people have seriously mangled the vector of pleasure.
They have turned the entire issue of a Free Person owning a gorean slave in this society into a set of rules for the slaves comfort and pleasure, thereby robbing the girl of any chance she may have had to be just that.
Or, maybe it's just me, eh? ;0)
Either way, next time you log onto IRC, or AOL, or Yahoo, or somesuch and see the people who think that they must behave in such a way, because they read it on a "gorean" site that has a popular email listserv attached to it, don't be surprised. Don't ask where they come from. Don't ask why.
You should know.
I wish you well.
Bear-
Friday, March 4, 2011
Educating a subbie about value
(From The Bear Bitch Project circa 1999.)
Original editors note: A girl who presents herself as a Gorean slave online (if there is such a thing) comes to a place where Gorean men used to gather and asks them "where are all the REAL Gorean men?" -- all the while wearing the collar of a "man". Typical "online Gor" bullshit. I decided to educate the subbie, one of the last times I've ever made the effort.
Ah sh*t, and I was having such a good day, too...
Obviously, no one has bothered to train you in the least. Let me take a scant moment and educate you to the barest particulars of Gorean life as a slave. You present yourself as a Gorean slave here, and by doing so, you join literally **hundreds** of other girls online all vying for the attention of a small handful of actual Gorean men.
Do you understand that reality at all?
If you do manage to attract the attention of one - despite the great odds against any girl doing so - you will be watched and judged. It will be decided if you are intelligent, creative, strong, quick, resourceful, and worthy of a bare moment of a mans time. It will be decided by those few men if you understand the barest glimmer of your slave belly - indeed, if you even know what it is yet. It will be decided whether taking time to show you that belly that lurks in all girls will be amusing/profitible enough to justify the effort put into it.
Few girls ever get past that point.
None, who whine and cry for a "strong Master", yet who currently surounds herself in a venue full of lesser men (Second Life, Powwow, AOL, etc.), will.
What to do?
Grow the fuck up.
This is not High School/Camelot/A Harlequin Romance Novel. We are not here because of *you*. There is no **EASY** way to walk this path. Lose the whine, get serious, read *all* the books, look inside, listen and read the words of those who have lived this the longest, cry, speak to *actual* gorean slave girls (and not the subbies who top the men who "own" them) and beg them for guidance, get strong, give up thinking that this is all about you, stop sniveling, become pleasing, get a backbone, learn what the "Vector of Pleasure" is, seek to measure up to a standard that supasses anything you have ever done in your life up to this point...
...and learn.
Learn.
For fuck's sake, learn.
On a fictional planet, girls are motivated to learn at the end of a lash. Here, they are motivated to learn by their own belly or they are ignored by Gorean men and women as valueless. You have seen this, obviously, hence your cry for help.
We are out here, and we watch. More than most probably appreciate.
I cannot tell you how damn tired I am of the overwhelming and vast majority of the girls online claiming to be gorean slaves, who are no more than subbie girlfriends, wanna-bes, and worthless weaklings who waste the time of the good people online begging for help/a short-cut or some magic to make it easier to walk a path that no one but they themselves can do. There is no magic, no secret, just hard work. And while these girls waste time with "Yes Master, but...", both the world and we Goreans pass them by.
You want our help?
Then damn well earn it.
The first place I would suggest you go, is to the man whom you have embarrassed; he who owns the collar around your neck, if not the girl who wears it.
Learn, girl.
Bear-
Original editors note: A girl who presents herself as a Gorean slave online (if there is such a thing) comes to a place where Gorean men used to gather and asks them "where are all the REAL Gorean men?" -- all the while wearing the collar of a "man". Typical "online Gor" bullshit. I decided to educate the subbie, one of the last times I've ever made the effort.
Ah sh*t, and I was having such a good day, too...
Obviously, no one has bothered to train you in the least. Let me take a scant moment and educate you to the barest particulars of Gorean life as a slave. You present yourself as a Gorean slave here, and by doing so, you join literally **hundreds** of other girls online all vying for the attention of a small handful of actual Gorean men.
Do you understand that reality at all?
If you do manage to attract the attention of one - despite the great odds against any girl doing so - you will be watched and judged. It will be decided if you are intelligent, creative, strong, quick, resourceful, and worthy of a bare moment of a mans time. It will be decided by those few men if you understand the barest glimmer of your slave belly - indeed, if you even know what it is yet. It will be decided whether taking time to show you that belly that lurks in all girls will be amusing/profitible enough to justify the effort put into it.
Few girls ever get past that point.
None, who whine and cry for a "strong Master", yet who currently surounds herself in a venue full of lesser men (Second Life, Powwow, AOL, etc.), will.
What to do?
Grow the fuck up.
This is not High School/Camelot/A Harlequin Romance Novel. We are not here because of *you*. There is no **EASY** way to walk this path. Lose the whine, get serious, read *all* the books, look inside, listen and read the words of those who have lived this the longest, cry, speak to *actual* gorean slave girls (and not the subbies who top the men who "own" them) and beg them for guidance, get strong, give up thinking that this is all about you, stop sniveling, become pleasing, get a backbone, learn what the "Vector of Pleasure" is, seek to measure up to a standard that supasses anything you have ever done in your life up to this point...
...and learn.
Learn.
For fuck's sake, learn.
On a fictional planet, girls are motivated to learn at the end of a lash. Here, they are motivated to learn by their own belly or they are ignored by Gorean men and women as valueless. You have seen this, obviously, hence your cry for help.
We are out here, and we watch. More than most probably appreciate.
I cannot tell you how damn tired I am of the overwhelming and vast majority of the girls online claiming to be gorean slaves, who are no more than subbie girlfriends, wanna-bes, and worthless weaklings who waste the time of the good people online begging for help/a short-cut or some magic to make it easier to walk a path that no one but they themselves can do. There is no magic, no secret, just hard work. And while these girls waste time with "Yes Master, but...", both the world and we Goreans pass them by.
You want our help?
Then damn well earn it.
The first place I would suggest you go, is to the man whom you have embarrassed; he who owns the collar around your neck, if not the girl who wears it.
Learn, girl.
Bear-
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