Thursday, October 28, 2010

How dare we?!

Tal all,

In various mouthings, whinings, musings and squealings, in various forums, venues, avenues and places, spoken with concern, alarm and guilt, I see the same old question being asked about the things that we do; the same questions that have been asked since there first appeared some online who claimed to be Gorean out of one side of their mouth, and snickered about it out of the other.

Specifically, they ask:

How dare we!!

How dare we expose suspected illegal activity on IRC? How dare we name names and show the Gorean community what is going on under the banner it strives so damn hard to create for itself, so that just perhaps, it can distance itself from it? How dare we judge those who solicit a 16 year old girl being a "channel slave" and who then conspire to keep it a secret? Don't we know people make mistakes? Haven't we heard of "forgive and forget"? "Those who throw the first stone..."?

How dare we!!

How dare we note here and in other places that some use the concepts, traditions, and philosophy of Gor not as a guide to living ones life to the fullest, but as a cloak to wrap around themselves online in order to hide what they are. A cloak they can swirl to confuse the new, the unwary, the ignorant, the unwise. A cloak they can use to prey upon women who seek out strong men to submit to. A cloak that eventually, every time, unravels, leaving those of us who stand openly as Gorean to pick up the pieces of these sobbing wrecks - when they come to us asking "why did he do it, Master?"

How dare we!!

How dare we warn others about ones who prey on the lonely, the weak, telling them that they are almost doctors, telling them that they have brain cancer, telling them that they are dying, telling them that they need money to pay off school debts... How dare we give a voice to the stupid, trusting souls who are taken in by such predators, who send them money, who then find out that none of it is true, and that by then the predator has moved on to his next victim - all under the banner of "Gorean".

How dare we!!

How dare we reject from the community the man who collars a woman, has her move in and then has her three pre-teen and teenage sons beat thier mother when she is "bad"? How dare we nod in satisfaction when a "gor network" dies due to lack of participation because no one will follow his sick and twisted lead? How dare we show disdain for those who proclaim to be what we are, yet refuse to walk the path, who at the slightest difficulty in manifesting this philosophy in thier lives, change the *philosophy* to keep from paying the price, rather than writing the check themselves. Who sidestep the challenges, the problems, the sacrifices, the *work* and simply attempt to claim the mantle of "Gorean" by virtue of some bdsm experience and some screen nick who types that she kneels to him.

How dare we!!!

How dare we stand up and say: "These people are NOT us. They are NOT what being Gorean in this society is about! They are NOT, and their behaviour IS NOT accepted in our community! How dare we disassociate from them, judge them, scorn them, remove them from our presence! It is not fair! There were no second, third and fourth chances given! It is not right! It is hard to do so! It is uncomfortable!

It is Gorean.

How *dare* we speak up?



Friday, October 22, 2010

BDSM, subbies, slaves and Gorean men

What follows is one of a long series of essays which I published under the heading of The Bear Bitch Project.  These essays were available for public consumption from roughly early 1998 until 2004. While most of the topics in some manner concern "online Gor" (and my subsequent disillusionment in it) I am pleased to present these essays to my current audience both as a matter of topical interest and as a historical touch-point (read: Bear was always a blunt and opinionated jerk, even back then).

From me to you, enjoy.


Feb 09,1999. 


Tonight, in the #silk&Steel on, we had a mini-discussion about roots, and it was remarked that many of us had once come from the bdsm community, and had left it to find another, more fulfilling, path. That got us onto differences, and this and that, and we soon got off-topic. ;0)

But the thought stuck with me, when a girl noted that she cannot go back to her bdsm "friends" any longer, because they now attack her and what she is; a Gorean slave girl. I explained to her that the reason they attack her now, is simple.

They *fear* her.

Think about that for a moment. 

Below, I reprint a message from a bdsm listserv by a bdsm submissive named damnjesse. It was written almost a year ago, and I have not seen a bdsm'er ever put things so succinctly before or since. I had contacted this person, and have obtained permission to repost this note once before, and I do so again by that same agreement.

The only background that you need before you read this is that it seems that two men who treat their slaves as Gorean slave girls (one being Risk of the S&S, the other I am not aware of) were in a discussion with the rest of the listserve about what that treatment is, and how it differs.

Listen to what one sub learned about herself and the differences between the two communities. I bid you, enjoy.



I'm going to take this a step further because I see something else that might be playing a role in this. If you set aside the fact that Risk is Gorean, I think that he and Ken have one thing in common that seems to rub a lot of people wrong. The way they view their slaves. The "She will do things my way, or I'll replace her with a slave that will." They have the "I don't NEED a slave" and the "What gift?" attitude.

That doesn't always sit well with the "My submission is a gift to be cherished, and he would never put my emotions at risk by requiring that I don't do something that I don't want to do" crowd. When scarlett and kimiko agree that this is indeed the way their Masters view them, and they EXPECT to be viewed as expendable if they fail to meet his needs...we are left shaking our heads wondering what's wrong with them?

Don't they know that this is about them? Damn, they talk as though they really ARE slaves. But they can't be, because I am a slave! I have a safeword, limits and if something comes up that I really don't want to do, then Master will talk about it with me until he agrees that now might not be the best time. 

Now the above is somewhat tongue in cheek, but I also believe there is some truth to it. You see, I would love to explore slavery on that level. I love non consensual stories, the idea of being completely used without a thought to my needs, but hey we're talking reality here right? So it's hard not to attack someone when they seem to have come closer to achieving it than I have.

I will point out all the reasons why their views are...unreasonable. And god/goddess help them if they are into Gor, because I can pounce on that to prove that they are not, never will be, in touch with reality. But it's not really about them as much as it's about me. I don't like it when someone else makes my submission "feel" or "seem" inferior whether that's what they are trying to do or not. So I feel I must show them the error of their ways. now, I know that I am only speaking for myself, but after examining why I feel such a need to challenge another persons submission, that is part of the truth that I found behind my actions.

YMMV jesse

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


What follows is one of a long series of essays which I published under the heading of The Bear Bitch Project.  These essays were available for public consumption from roughly early 1998 until 2004. While most of the topics in some manner concern "online Gor" (and my subsequent disillusionment in it) I am pleased to present these essays to my current audience both as a matter of topical interest and as a historical touch-point (read: Bear was always a blunt and opinionated jerk, even back then).

From me to you, enjoy.


Today, I woke up to the sun streaming through my bedroom window, the sound of the woman I love and the woman I own both singing in the kitchen below me,as they started preparations for the Holiday meal we would enjoy later in the day.

I looked out the window and saw a wonderful spring day, a typical spring day, a unique spring day. The sun warmed my face and chest, and the gentle spring breeze blew into the room, carrying with it the smell of the awakening, of growth, and of life just covered by a scant inch of soil. Life was returning and winter is indeed, over.

I showered, dressed and went downstairs, slipping out to the garage before anyone knew I was awake. Driving a few blocks, I went to my favorite garden center, where I bought plants, soil, and containers. This is the day to plant, I decided, this is the day for life.

On the way out, I noticed a display by the door. It was a display of kites. The display was covered in drawings of multi-colored diamonds of paper and wood, with tails of knotted rags, flying high over the heads of delighted chidren who ran underneath them.

I stopped and bought a box kite.

On the way home, I pulled into the city park. I got out of the car and went to the trunk, and in it, I assembled my box kite. Tying the string to it, making sure that I had plenty, I walked out to the middle of the field and launched my kite into the air.

Up and up it went, catching the warm breeze, the currents sending it higher into the sky.

I was alone, flying a kite, and I was smiling.

I had not done this since I was about 10, with my best friend Ray. We were seriously *into* kites then, discussing design, weight of paper, make-up of the tail material, aerodynamics of flight, and the resistance of the correct thickness of the string. We thought perhaps, one day, we might like to study flight, perhaps become engineers, perhaps work for NASA, perhaps be astronauts.

Perhaps, we would go to the moon. One day. We had our dreams.

So today I stood out in the sunshine, watching my kite twitch and climb in the wind and I thought of these things. I was smiling. Not once did I think of some sick boy online who threatened my life and the life of my "children". Not once did I think of an idiot and his girlfriend, who along with the idiot's *mommy* tried to lure a 16 year old girl into a dangerous adult alternative lifestyle and then lied to those who trust them and tried to cover it up. Not once did I think of having to explain the philosophy I live by to those whose only exposure to it is with those who play at it as a masturbatory sex game. Not once did I think of IRC channels, kick/banning, subbie whining, online killing, slaves opping, made-up silk colors, being nuked, being lagged, being cursed at, explaining the basics, correcting the mistakes, helping the lost, and excluding the weak and those who prey on others.

Not once, did I think of "online Gor".

When I again looked around me, I noticed now that there were others too, flying thier kites in the field at the park. I smiled and reeled my "Ubar of the Skies" in, packed it away, and drove home to my family.


Today, I bought a kite, and I sailed it high.

There will be time enough for the rest, tomorrow.

I wish you well.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

She wanted to be a Gorean slave.

What follows is a reprint of previous writings of mine that appeared in The Gorean Voice, which I co-created and served as editor for a few years. The webzine is long defunct, and the archives of the site are sadly incomplete, but it pleases me to present my thoughts then, to my audience here.

One final note: The issues and conditions described within are all true experiences.

She Wanted To Be A Gorean Slave
by Bear of Ar
She wanted to be a Gorean slave.  She met him on his chat channel and he whined about the collar she wore, so she was released and given to him. He collared her. She was happy. He told her that he was a doctor. She was happy. He told her that he had numerous medical school bills to pay off. She sent him money. They met. He asked her to marry him. She said yes. She was happy. He told her later that he had an inoperable brain tumor and could not work. She sent him more money. He told her he was behind on his bills and college loans because of the illness. She sent him more money. He disappeared and his "friend" appeared online telling her he was in the hospital. She sent even more money. Eventually, after asking for money once again, the "friend" was exposed as her supposedly ill "master", and she learned that at the same time he was proposing marriage to her, he had asked another woman online to marry him as well. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she learned cost her thousands of dollars.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She went to meet him in a northeastern U.S. city. Within a day or so, they quarreled. He lost his temper at his inability to "master" her and hit her in the face with his fist, blackening her eye. She called the police. He ran from his own apartment to escape the authorities before they came. She filled out a police report which was posted online as a warning to others. He came skulking back after the police left. In the way of many battered women, she dropped the charges. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she did not learn so far has cost her one blackened eye.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She had an online collar and was happy. Her "online master" said the right things and she knew he was a gorean man. Then, her "online master" was exposed. He was also an "online slave" to a gorean free woman. When the free woman found out, she was devastated and promptly cut off all contact. The slave however still publicly maintained that the male slave was a "gorean man" despite the fact that he admitted freely giving up his manhood to be a slave, switching between free and slave and lying to the free woman. She arranged for him to move up to Canada, to live with her and her children. He did. Within a month she threw him out and he was back online pretending to be gorean. For her part, she was shunned by the actual online gorean community and found herself accepted only by the gamer and poser groups online, among which her former "master" was a member. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she learned only cost her credibility.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. Already collared, she began talking to a man online who claimed to be Gorean. This man also claimed to be part Indian, trained from birth to be a slave, and raped by his mother's/mistress BDSM friends when he was young. Somehow, this caused her to be interested in him (?). He claimed that his household was BDSM/Gor and that several women lived with and loved him as a "family". He also claimed to be holding "Gorean conventions" all over the country at which the author of the novels would appear. He solicited credit card registrations for these conventions online. When contacted, the author and the authors agent denied ever making a statement saying that they would actually attend, and in a public statement disavowed all contact with this person (perhaps it was the advertised Gorean "fisting" demonstrations that gave them pause?). The outcry against this person's actions was loud and he skulked away. She knew all this yet at her first chance to travel she lied to her owner about where she was going, she removed her collar and went to see this male switch posing as a Gorean man. The first thing he did was take pictures of her private parts and splash them on his home page while calling her "his". She thought she was going to be owned by a real Gorean man, live with a "family" and be a gorean slave. The truth was when she got there she learned that this man was a con artist, does not work and has his girls work to support him, and regularly pleads with his "slaves" to whip him when he is bad. Once a slaveboy, always a slaveboy. Even his own slave'mistresses told her that they stay with him out of pity because if they left he would have nothing. Realizing her failure, she was quite upset and knew she had better do some fast talking when she returned home. To her dismay, and despite her preparations to explain, no one wanted to hear about it. She was released from her collar, ignored and ostracized from the actual gorean community as a failed subbie. What happened to her? Read the next paragraph and see if she learned anything. She wanted to be a Gorean slave, but she was so wrapped up in the fantasy of it and the call of her own sex, she ignored all the warning signs, the truth presented as to the validity of the mans claims and his honor, and most importantly, the steel already around her neck.

She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She moved in with her "master". Soon, he developed a public "gorean" chat network where he could be "Ubar" and others could come and share his version of "online gor". Within months, that chat network disintegrated; it became clear that her "master" could not inspire nor lead men and the few who ever used his network turned their back on him and his antics. The network disappeared and never returned. While the network was still running, however, she happily told other online slaves of the wonderful times in the household she moved herself and her kids into. She told of sitting at the feet of her three boys, ages 6, 12, and 14 while they petted her on the head as they all watched TV. She told of being praised by her own children when she was "a good slave" and of being punished by the boys when she was "a bad slave". Soon a failed subbie moved into that same household and told any who would listen that through many terrible beatings administered by her "master" he had made her a "slave". She also told a national online BDSM publication that she sleeps in a "kennel", when the fact is that she has her own room and bed. These women found a man so wrapped up in the fantasy of the books that his grip on reality is tenuous at best. These women wanted to be gorean slaves - and the lesson they have yet to learn is that when the bills for their irresponsible actions come due it won't be their "master" who will pay them, but the actual gorean lifestyle community. 
These stories and many more, are only a fraction of the sad tales of women who want the fantasy of being a Gorean slave so badly that they turn a blind eye to simple issues of safety, health, responsibility to their children and the lack of integrity in the men they call would call "master". Too many times it is the sad and lonely woman who traipses through "online gor" looking for a "master" and finding only the kids (of all ages) playing at "gor". These women are caught up in the fantasy of the books that they have just read, or of the web site they just surfed into. They "burn" to serve, without much of a thought as to the price they would pay if what they wish would actually come to be. In some in time, this fantasy turns into obsession and endangers their own safety and even more tragically, the safety of their children. They break up their marriages - mostly because they were lying to their spouses to begin with - spouses who most times knew nothing of the online activities of the women they married. In my time online, from the start of co-creating "online gor" to my recent repudiation of it, I have heard literally hundreds of such stories of women being harmed, swindled and of women endangering their kids and simply not caring what havok their actions wrought. Not caring, as long as the "burn" they have to "serve" is catered to. Those tales are my cross to bear. The truth is that had I not spoken of the reality of the lifestyle I live online all those years ago these people would not be trying and failing to live up to an ideal that is seemingly out of their grasp and they would not be harming themselves and others in the process. Had I been silent about how I live my life, my partner and I never would have met, and there would be no "online gor" as it is today, rife with predators, posers, idiots, thieves and those stupid enough to toss it all away on the fantasy before they examine the reality.

My point in making all this clear is simple: There are still many of you out there who want the fantasy so badly you will turn a blind eye to the obvious signals and red flags that come up about your "master". Those who will tell you that as a slave you cannot judge a man are simply wrong. This is not a fantasy planet on the other side of the sun where all men are gorean. This is a struggling little rock on this side of the sun where most societies have worked to mandate the emasculation of men. You had damn well 
better judge that man whom you will be giving your life, your property and your childrens lives to, before you beg his collar. Just wanting a strong man, just wishing for one, or trying to will it into reality for him will not turn that BDSM dom you call "master" into a man who has dedicated his life to the gorean philosophy and traditions. Gorean men are not made nor trained nor wished into existance by anyone, let alone "slaves".

The relationship as we can pursue it, between an actual Gorean man and a Gorean slave in this society is a pretty rare and wonderful thing. It can work, as is shown by several who live this. But it takes time, effort, and the cost is high.

Terribly high.

The best advice, the only advice to give to you lonely women is this: Listen to what your head is telling you. Read the books, read all of them, because without doing that thing the simple truth is that you can 
never become a gorean slave. Think with your head, your common sense and not with your heart or with what lies between your legs.

And pay attention to the reality, not the fantasy. The reality will drain your bank account, leave you unable to care for your children, will scar them for the rest of their lives and may well cost you a trip to the hospital, or worse.

When that happens, when news of what happened to you and/or your kids reaches the papers, the nightly news and Jerry Springer, it is going to be those of us who actually live as gorean men and women in this society who will pay the final price for your weakness, carelessness and stupidity.

And no online game, no online fantasy, and no dom with some Gorean words taken from a web site, is worth that.

Bear of Ar