Tuesday, October 19, 2010


What follows is one of a long series of essays which I published under the heading of The Bear Bitch Project.  These essays were available for public consumption from roughly early 1998 until 2004. While most of the topics in some manner concern "online Gor" (and my subsequent disillusionment in it) I am pleased to present these essays to my current audience both as a matter of topical interest and as a historical touch-point (read: Bear was always a blunt and opinionated jerk, even back then).

From me to you, enjoy.


Today, I woke up to the sun streaming through my bedroom window, the sound of the woman I love and the woman I own both singing in the kitchen below me,as they started preparations for the Holiday meal we would enjoy later in the day.

I looked out the window and saw a wonderful spring day, a typical spring day, a unique spring day. The sun warmed my face and chest, and the gentle spring breeze blew into the room, carrying with it the smell of the awakening, of growth, and of life just covered by a scant inch of soil. Life was returning and winter is indeed, over.

I showered, dressed and went downstairs, slipping out to the garage before anyone knew I was awake. Driving a few blocks, I went to my favorite garden center, where I bought plants, soil, and containers. This is the day to plant, I decided, this is the day for life.

On the way out, I noticed a display by the door. It was a display of kites. The display was covered in drawings of multi-colored diamonds of paper and wood, with tails of knotted rags, flying high over the heads of delighted chidren who ran underneath them.

I stopped and bought a box kite.

On the way home, I pulled into the city park. I got out of the car and went to the trunk, and in it, I assembled my box kite. Tying the string to it, making sure that I had plenty, I walked out to the middle of the field and launched my kite into the air.

Up and up it went, catching the warm breeze, the currents sending it higher into the sky.

I was alone, flying a kite, and I was smiling.

I had not done this since I was about 10, with my best friend Ray. We were seriously *into* kites then, discussing design, weight of paper, make-up of the tail material, aerodynamics of flight, and the resistance of the correct thickness of the string. We thought perhaps, one day, we might like to study flight, perhaps become engineers, perhaps work for NASA, perhaps be astronauts.

Perhaps, we would go to the moon. One day. We had our dreams.

So today I stood out in the sunshine, watching my kite twitch and climb in the wind and I thought of these things. I was smiling. Not once did I think of some sick boy online who threatened my life and the life of my "children". Not once did I think of an idiot and his girlfriend, who along with the idiot's *mommy* tried to lure a 16 year old girl into a dangerous adult alternative lifestyle and then lied to those who trust them and tried to cover it up. Not once did I think of having to explain the philosophy I live by to those whose only exposure to it is with those who play at it as a masturbatory sex game. Not once did I think of IRC channels, kick/banning, subbie whining, online killing, slaves opping, made-up silk colors, being nuked, being lagged, being cursed at, explaining the basics, correcting the mistakes, helping the lost, and excluding the weak and those who prey on others.

Not once, did I think of "online Gor".

When I again looked around me, I noticed now that there were others too, flying thier kites in the field at the park. I smiled and reeled my "Ubar of the Skies" in, packed it away, and drove home to my family.


Today, I bought a kite, and I sailed it high.

There will be time enough for the rest, tomorrow.

I wish you well.