Thursday, October 7, 2010

She wanted to be a Gorean slave.

What follows is a reprint of previous writings of mine that appeared in The Gorean Voice, which I co-created and served as editor for a few years. The webzine is long defunct, and the archives of the site are sadly incomplete, but it pleases me to present my thoughts then, to my audience here.

One final note: The issues and conditions described within are all true experiences.

She Wanted To Be A Gorean Slave
by Bear of Ar
She wanted to be a Gorean slave.  She met him on his chat channel and he whined about the collar she wore, so she was released and given to him. He collared her. She was happy. He told her that he was a doctor. She was happy. He told her that he had numerous medical school bills to pay off. She sent him money. They met. He asked her to marry him. She said yes. She was happy. He told her later that he had an inoperable brain tumor and could not work. She sent him more money. He told her he was behind on his bills and college loans because of the illness. She sent him more money. He disappeared and his "friend" appeared online telling her he was in the hospital. She sent even more money. Eventually, after asking for money once again, the "friend" was exposed as her supposedly ill "master", and she learned that at the same time he was proposing marriage to her, he had asked another woman online to marry him as well. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she learned cost her thousands of dollars.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She went to meet him in a northeastern U.S. city. Within a day or so, they quarreled. He lost his temper at his inability to "master" her and hit her in the face with his fist, blackening her eye. She called the police. He ran from his own apartment to escape the authorities before they came. She filled out a police report which was posted online as a warning to others. He came skulking back after the police left. In the way of many battered women, she dropped the charges. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she did not learn so far has cost her one blackened eye.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She had an online collar and was happy. Her "online master" said the right things and she knew he was a gorean man. Then, her "online master" was exposed. He was also an "online slave" to a gorean free woman. When the free woman found out, she was devastated and promptly cut off all contact. The slave however still publicly maintained that the male slave was a "gorean man" despite the fact that he admitted freely giving up his manhood to be a slave, switching between free and slave and lying to the free woman. She arranged for him to move up to Canada, to live with her and her children. He did. Within a month she threw him out and he was back online pretending to be gorean. For her part, she was shunned by the actual online gorean community and found herself accepted only by the gamer and poser groups online, among which her former "master" was a member. She wanted to be a gorean slave and the lesson she learned only cost her credibility.
She wanted to be a Gorean slave. Already collared, she began talking to a man online who claimed to be Gorean. This man also claimed to be part Indian, trained from birth to be a slave, and raped by his mother's/mistress BDSM friends when he was young. Somehow, this caused her to be interested in him (?). He claimed that his household was BDSM/Gor and that several women lived with and loved him as a "family". He also claimed to be holding "Gorean conventions" all over the country at which the author of the novels would appear. He solicited credit card registrations for these conventions online. When contacted, the author and the authors agent denied ever making a statement saying that they would actually attend, and in a public statement disavowed all contact with this person (perhaps it was the advertised Gorean "fisting" demonstrations that gave them pause?). The outcry against this person's actions was loud and he skulked away. She knew all this yet at her first chance to travel she lied to her owner about where she was going, she removed her collar and went to see this male switch posing as a Gorean man. The first thing he did was take pictures of her private parts and splash them on his home page while calling her "his". She thought she was going to be owned by a real Gorean man, live with a "family" and be a gorean slave. The truth was when she got there she learned that this man was a con artist, does not work and has his girls work to support him, and regularly pleads with his "slaves" to whip him when he is bad. Once a slaveboy, always a slaveboy. Even his own slave'mistresses told her that they stay with him out of pity because if they left he would have nothing. Realizing her failure, she was quite upset and knew she had better do some fast talking when she returned home. To her dismay, and despite her preparations to explain, no one wanted to hear about it. She was released from her collar, ignored and ostracized from the actual gorean community as a failed subbie. What happened to her? Read the next paragraph and see if she learned anything. She wanted to be a Gorean slave, but she was so wrapped up in the fantasy of it and the call of her own sex, she ignored all the warning signs, the truth presented as to the validity of the mans claims and his honor, and most importantly, the steel already around her neck.

She wanted to be a Gorean slave. She moved in with her "master". Soon, he developed a public "gorean" chat network where he could be "Ubar" and others could come and share his version of "online gor". Within months, that chat network disintegrated; it became clear that her "master" could not inspire nor lead men and the few who ever used his network turned their back on him and his antics. The network disappeared and never returned. While the network was still running, however, she happily told other online slaves of the wonderful times in the household she moved herself and her kids into. She told of sitting at the feet of her three boys, ages 6, 12, and 14 while they petted her on the head as they all watched TV. She told of being praised by her own children when she was "a good slave" and of being punished by the boys when she was "a bad slave". Soon a failed subbie moved into that same household and told any who would listen that through many terrible beatings administered by her "master" he had made her a "slave". She also told a national online BDSM publication that she sleeps in a "kennel", when the fact is that she has her own room and bed. These women found a man so wrapped up in the fantasy of the books that his grip on reality is tenuous at best. These women wanted to be gorean slaves - and the lesson they have yet to learn is that when the bills for their irresponsible actions come due it won't be their "master" who will pay them, but the actual gorean lifestyle community. 
These stories and many more, are only a fraction of the sad tales of women who want the fantasy of being a Gorean slave so badly that they turn a blind eye to simple issues of safety, health, responsibility to their children and the lack of integrity in the men they call would call "master". Too many times it is the sad and lonely woman who traipses through "online gor" looking for a "master" and finding only the kids (of all ages) playing at "gor". These women are caught up in the fantasy of the books that they have just read, or of the web site they just surfed into. They "burn" to serve, without much of a thought as to the price they would pay if what they wish would actually come to be. In some in time, this fantasy turns into obsession and endangers their own safety and even more tragically, the safety of their children. They break up their marriages - mostly because they were lying to their spouses to begin with - spouses who most times knew nothing of the online activities of the women they married. In my time online, from the start of co-creating "online gor" to my recent repudiation of it, I have heard literally hundreds of such stories of women being harmed, swindled and of women endangering their kids and simply not caring what havok their actions wrought. Not caring, as long as the "burn" they have to "serve" is catered to. Those tales are my cross to bear. The truth is that had I not spoken of the reality of the lifestyle I live online all those years ago these people would not be trying and failing to live up to an ideal that is seemingly out of their grasp and they would not be harming themselves and others in the process. Had I been silent about how I live my life, my partner and I never would have met, and there would be no "online gor" as it is today, rife with predators, posers, idiots, thieves and those stupid enough to toss it all away on the fantasy before they examine the reality.

My point in making all this clear is simple: There are still many of you out there who want the fantasy so badly you will turn a blind eye to the obvious signals and red flags that come up about your "master". Those who will tell you that as a slave you cannot judge a man are simply wrong. This is not a fantasy planet on the other side of the sun where all men are gorean. This is a struggling little rock on this side of the sun where most societies have worked to mandate the emasculation of men. You had damn well 
better judge that man whom you will be giving your life, your property and your childrens lives to, before you beg his collar. Just wanting a strong man, just wishing for one, or trying to will it into reality for him will not turn that BDSM dom you call "master" into a man who has dedicated his life to the gorean philosophy and traditions. Gorean men are not made nor trained nor wished into existance by anyone, let alone "slaves".

The relationship as we can pursue it, between an actual Gorean man and a Gorean slave in this society is a pretty rare and wonderful thing. It can work, as is shown by several who live this. But it takes time, effort, and the cost is high.

Terribly high.

The best advice, the only advice to give to you lonely women is this: Listen to what your head is telling you. Read the books, read all of them, because without doing that thing the simple truth is that you can 
never become a gorean slave. Think with your head, your common sense and not with your heart or with what lies between your legs.

And pay attention to the reality, not the fantasy. The reality will drain your bank account, leave you unable to care for your children, will scar them for the rest of their lives and may well cost you a trip to the hospital, or worse.

When that happens, when news of what happened to you and/or your kids reaches the papers, the nightly news and Jerry Springer, it is going to be those of us who actually live as gorean men and women in this society who will pay the final price for your weakness, carelessness and stupidity.

And no online game, no online fantasy, and no dom with some Gorean words taken from a web site, is worth that.

Bear of Ar